There have been so many problems that I have not found a perfect solution for all. In fact, there is no such thing as a panacea for everything. I just need to untie each knot, destroy the problem cells and whoops, I'm free.
For some reasons I am typing in English, my second language. And yet, I feel like I am hiding from somebody that might know my mother language and that they might find out about the cruel side of my personality.
I type and type and type, pressing the delete button for many times. I cannot decode myself nor anybody could. And they don't understand. Not that I require somebody to understand me. I just need some times for myself to recover from all the stress that I have. Nobody gives me time.
Is it sad if one day you just coldly say to your best friend “sorry i can't fill in what you need anymore”. It just breaks my heart whenever I think about opening my mouth and say that to my best friend. Honestly, I don't know if I should even call her my best friend anymore. Totally hopeless. Again, no explanation can describe my thoughts and feelings. NONE.
Maybe I am just selfish. I need people to pay attention to me at least the same amount that I spend for them. Simply when I don't get enough, I will just try to rescue myself. Or runaway as you might say.
I used to play this role of being a big girl who could take care of everyone. EVERY single ONE. One day I got really tired of it. I worn my self down for years without realizing it.
just keep things to myself for now. I have just lost my mood of sharing!
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